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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27606467">Do you remember?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuuki_Nyanmaru/pseuds/Yuuki_Nyanmaru'>Yuuki_Nyanmaru</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Arashi (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:47:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,104</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27606467</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuuki_Nyanmaru/pseuds/Yuuki_Nyanmaru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakurai Sho is in front of Tokyo Tower on the night of his birthday. The sweet memories are filling his mind, the regret is filling his heart. Without thinking twice, he takes his phone and dials Aiba's number and starts to let out everything his heart has inside.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aiba Masaki/Sakurai Sho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Do you remember?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted in my journal on the 25th January 2019, for Sho's birthday. The beautiful banner was made by my lovely buddy (thank you a lot! &lt;3). Hope you will enjoy it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi... Do you still remember me?” he started, a sad smile on his face.</p>
<p>“I know that only a month has passed, but to me, it feels like an eternity. As if we haven’t seen each other for decades. Do you feel the same? Does the feeling of loneliness tear you apart when you try to sleep?”</p>
<p>Sho sighed, not knowing what the silence, which was coming from the other hand of the line, meant. Was that good? Was that bad? He didn’t know how to decipher that. He didn’t even know if the other man was actually listening to him or he was talking with no one.</p>
<p>He was feeling the stare of the Tokyo Tower on him, as if it were encouraging him to keep on talking and trying to save what he had ruined. So, he decided to continue on his aimless speech, wanting to let out everything he had on his mind for the past month.</p>
<p>“Do you remember my face? You have always said that it was the most handsome one you had ever seen. Do you remember my lips? You were always biting them lightly whenever we kissed. Do you remember my touch? How does it feel to have my hands caressing your hair, your body, your cheeks? Do you remember the sound of my voice? How would your spine shiver if I whispered in a low voice to your ear?”</p>
<p>“Because I do. I do remember your face, your lips, your touch, your voice. If I close my eyes tightly, I can still hear you calling me because the TV drama is almost starting and I’m still in the bathroom brushing my teeth. If I close my eyes tightly, I can still see you in front of me handing me Valentine’s chocolate and looking away in embarrassment... I do remember you, Masaki.”</p>
<p>Sakurai paused for some time, recalling all those joyful moments they had spent together. But immediately, the happiness was swept away and replaced by sorrow, and only the image of the last time he saw him was vivid in his mind.</p>
<p>“I wonder what could have happened if I hadn’t let you go. If I hadn’t turn my back at you, exactly one month ago, when you told me to stay. I didn’t look at you when you said that, I knew that your eyes would have made me give in. But now, I kind of regret it. Were your eyes crying? Was your gaze on the floor, as it usually is when you’re trying to find a solution? Or, were you smiling sadly, knowing that there was no way to make a stubborn man like me change idea?”</p>
<p>“When I walked out of the room, did you stretch out your hand toward me, as if you were trying to stop me? Did you whisper my name, praying that I would hear it and would stay?”</p>
<p>Sho’s soft laugh echoed in the surroundings for some seconds.</p>
<p>“I wish you did. I can only imagine it though, because I did walk out of the room, of our house, of your life. And it’s been exactly a month. 31 days without you, Aiba Masaki. 744 hours spent without you by my side. 44.640 minutes without seeing your face, without hearing your voice. Every moment without you gets harder and harder.”</p>
<p>“I want to see you, touch you, hug you, kiss you, talk to you, laugh with you, cry with you. I want to say sorry for being the idiot I am and for not being the man you deserve. I want to tell you how much I love you and how much I need you. I want to whisper in your ear how beautiful you are, both outside and inside; how brave you are for throwing away an established relationship and giving us a chance; how strong you are for not letting life’s hardships win over you; how kind and caring you are, seriously I have never met someone like you.”</p>
<p>“I miss you. Since the moment I left you up until now, I keep on missing you. Every day, every minute, every second. My longing for you grows and my heart clenches a bit harder every time.”</p>
<p>Drying a tear which was falling from his cheek, Sakurai looked up and when his eyes met the tower, he laughed again.</p>
<p>“And now, in front of me, there is this stupid tower which reminds me even more about you. Do you still remember it? How we promised to stay by each other’s side no matter what, how we held hands shyly. It’s our place. We would come here every time for our anniversary. Do you still have the ring I gave you last year?... Which reminds me that our anniversary will come soon. Do I have to buy you a present? To bring you a bouquet of flowers? To make a reservation at our usual restaurant? Because if you want, I will gladly do that. I will do everything you ask. Heck, I would even fasten a rope around the moon, pulling it so close to you so you could even touch it, if you asked me to.”</p>
<p>His left hand dried again another tear, while his right hand tightened around his phone.</p>
<p>“You know, I have never been good at memorizing things aside from school and work-related ones. So, why I’m still remembering that stupid white jumper you were wearing when we first met? Those half-skinny black jeans which made your legs look longer and enticing? Those pair of white and green stan-smith which were far from being new and in good conditions? And... That pretty and cute girlfriend of yours?”</p>
<p>That memory made him nostalgic, and now the flow of memories couldn’t be stopped anymore.</p>
<p>“<em>I’m Aiba Masaki and she is Haruta Natsumi, my girlfriend... </em>At that time those words didn’t hurt, I hadn’t fallen in love with you yet after all. Let me tell you this: that night, at Ohno’s birthday party, you were the most stunning person. You totally stood out among everyone else. I thought that it was your outfit, since it was probably too casual for that occasion, but when I looked at you more closely, I understood. You had a different aura from others, your eyes had some kind of glow in them; it was your smile the one to brighten the room up. You have always been wonderful to my eyes.”</p>
<p>“Then, by coincidence, I met you later on, while you were eating out with Ohno. Believe me if I say that I remember even the clothes you were wearing that night. Well, how to forget that oversized t-shirt which showed your collarbones? Again, you were astonishing. Do you remember that it was on that night that everything actually started? We exchanged our phone numbers and we began to hang out frequently. And as weeks went by, my birthday came. You know, the only reason I threw a party was for meeting you, and please let me thank you for not having brought your girlfriend that night. My heart was filled with joy and relief when you came alone.”</p>
<p>He smiled to himself, remembering the happiness which spread inside him when he realized that, for that night, he would have had Masaki just for himself.</p>
<p>“I think that I know the reason though. You were looking at me with different eyes compared to the other times, it wasn’t the same gaze you have for your friends, I could see that there was something deeper. And it was clear when you stayed until everyone had left. Do you remember what you told me when I said that it was getting late?... <em>I don’t care, right now, I feel that I want to stay with you.</em>”</p>
<p>“And then, the great event of the night. When you were going away, climbing down the stairway outside my house, you turned around to look at me. After that, you went up some steps and stopped; you seemed to ponder on whether to do something or not. Then you resumed and walked up to me. Do you remember what happened after that?... You kissed me.”</p>
<p>“Even now if I recall that kiss, I can still hear how much my heart was pounding. The kiss I had waited for long had finally come, but you didn’t give me the chance to return it. You withdrew and without saying anything you left. You didn’t talk to me for 10 days. I thought that I would never see you again but then... The 5th of February came. You showed up at my door at such an early hour, probably 8:00 am and... Do you remember what did you tell me?... <em>I don’t know what this feeling is and I’m scared, but I want to follow it because it feels the most right thing in the world.</em> Afterwards, you kissed me again.”</p>
<p>Suddenly, his voice stopped, a knot forming in his throat. He wasn’t able to control his tears anymore and they started to flow down.</p>
<p>“I-I didn’t want to break up with you, it’s just that... When I thought about what you t-threw away for the sake of our relationship... Because of me, you can’t be a father, you can’t have a ‘normal’ wedding, if we walk down the streets t-there is always going to be someone who will look at us in a weird way, as if we were aliens. I want you to give a sense to this life.”</p>
<p>As his eyes closed and his head bent down, Sakurai took a deep breath and tried to tell the last words he wanted to say.</p>
<p>“When I told you that I wanted to break up because I didn’t love you the way I used to do, that was a lie. The biggest lie of my life. There’s no one I can love more in this universe. You’re my everything. I’m so sorry…”</p>
<p>After those words, his sobs began again, probably even heavier than how they were before.</p>
<p>“I’m pathetic, right?” he asked in a rhetoric way, laughing at himself.</p>
<p>Calling him at such late hour, talking endlessly and crying, what even was on his mind? Aiba had all the right to not listen to him, to send him to hell. He left him on Christmas day after all... Who would even want to see again the face of such an unworthy man?</p>
<p>“Sho-chan, raise your head.”</p>
<p>Sho’s eyes opened suddenly and slowly he did as he was told. In front of him, some meters away, there was him. Aiba Masaki in flesh and bones, holding his phone with his left hand while the right one was closed in a fist.</p>
<p>“My life has already a sense and it’s because you are in it. It’s true that I can’t be a father, that I can’t have a ‘normal’ wedding, that I will have to deal with people stares, but as long as you’re beside me holding my hand, nothing else matters. I love you, and even if I return back to that night of 4 years ago, I will still choose you.”</p>
<p>A smile crossed Sho’s face, tears still flowing down from his eyes. And when Aiba opened his right hand for showing him what he had in it, he felt like the biggest idiot on earth.</p>
<p>“Of course I still have your ring, how could I throw it away?” the other man said, still talking on the phone.</p>
<p>Sakurai was still on his spot, not moving an inch.</p>
<p>“Let’s go home,” Masaki told him gently.</p>
<p>“Do you still want a hopeless man like me? Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“Totally sure.”</p>
<p>As they smiled at each other, they closed the phone call. Sho stood up and walked up to him, while the other man was putting the ring on his finger again. After that, Sho was welcomed by Masaki’s arms and by a forehead kiss.</p>
<p>“Do you remember when I told you that you would never get rid of me, that now that I had fallen for you, there was no way back?” asked Aiba, his cheek touching Sho’s temple.</p>
<p>He nodded as a reply, while he was letting the taller man's warmth embrace him.</p>
<p>“I meant it, you know.”</p>
<p>Again, he nodded and tightened his arms around him.</p>
<p>“Also... Happy Birthday.”</p>
<p>And just like that night of four years ago, Masaki took Sho’s face between his hands and kissed him under the moonlight. This time though, he was able to kiss him right back since no one was going to withdraw from that sweet and yearned kiss.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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